Tak's tale
by Ranekaera
Summary: Tak's side of the story hasn't been told so I'm taking it upon myself! Months of hard research and tracking led to failure, leaving her stranded in space with a demented robot! But she remembers a human who made her stay on earth tolerable... chapt 4 up!
1. Tak remembers

Okay, no one thus far has told Tak's side of the story, so I feel like I should. Warning- some small tidbits of self insertion, but as the whole personality of the OC, is not me... just some small bits, cause I can't stand preppy happy characters. DEATH TO THE HAPPIES!!

Please review! And thanks to dr.lovekill for the inspiration, despite the annoying typo here and there CHEERS!

Somewhere out there is a mad scientist in everyone, dr lovekill ;)

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Tak had been drifting in space for almost a year now, avoiding asteroid belts and uninhabited planets. Surely, an uninhabited planet would be a bnetter idea than staying cramped in her small half a ship. Beside her sat her dilapidated SIR unit Mimi. Zim's irritating joke of a SIR had relinquished Mimi's drive chip and she now more or less acted like her old self, only occasionally asking for a cupcake...

Suffice to say, she was slowly losing her mind! Her onboard computer had run out of interesting things to read and do and the never ending space was getting on her nerves, too.

All she had ever wanted was to be an invader! That was it! Not to be a well respected Tallest or a fighter pilot (they were easily distinguishable by their jackets and cocky walks) but a simple invader! Zim had destroyed all dreams of THAT ever happening, that was for sure, but another year of tracking him to Earth had resulted in this... this boredom. It was... boring!

She would NOT lose her mind and she would NOT let her thirst for revenge get the better of her... dimly, she remembered her brief trip to Earth. She hadn't liked the place. The food was disgusting and most of it made her sick. The gravity was annoying- she was forever feeling as if she were trying to keep from floating away. The inhabitants were absolutely repulsive and viley stupid, absolutely ignorant of everything aroud them.

But she had met one human girl, who resembled her human disguise, if only vaguely... she had run into her when a case of mistaken identity had almost ruined her self proclaimed mission and the girl's own social standing. She had been... different. Thinking outside the box. Obsessively clean. Hateful. But oddly optimistic.

She sat back and remembered her days on Earth, ignoring on purpose Zim's involvement and her mission's failings and instead remembering the things every trained invader should look for at the beginning of a mission:

life on another planet.

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Please review!! 


	2. Flashback to day 1

Okay, since I'm trying to get several ideas out of my head at a time, this might take awhile to update... Warning: self insertion, to a certain point. I'm more bloodthirsty ;D (is kidding)

Tak rememberes her time on earth. Most of Tak's POV's on human life are actually my own. I'm serious. We are truly a backwards species. Sometimes, I wonder what it'd be like to live among aliens... sorry, geeked out for a minute there.

review! or I'll tell Tak to sic Mimi on you!

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Her first day on Earth had been spent in near chaos.

"Mimi! Clean up this mess while I hide the Voot cruiser," she commanded. They had decided to settle down right in the middle of the city, where everyone was sure to see them. The best place to hide something, Mimi had reported, was to hide it right where everyone could see it.

Humans were strange. And stupid. Boucing their pink, ugly babies around, so proud, walking about in garbage littered all over the place, submitting to the corporate faces of their city, without a clue that beyond their atmosphere, whole other galaxies existed, where more mattered than who had what for lunch or what someone said and who it offended. More mattered than one's political standing and who looked "cooler" and who worshipped which celebrities. Humans were so shallow! At this rate, they would never learn that beyond the world they knew, there were more, further advanced and far more interesting places where the people thought about more than who slept with someone else.

That was another thing that got on her nerves slightly; all the emphasis humans put on sex appeal. They shamelessly exploited anything and everything, and for what? All for the sake of advertising and making more money. Humans were greedy creatures. Anything for money, no matter who it hurt and why and what it resulted in. It made her more proud now than ever that she was Irken.

That was why this would be so easy. Her plan was to build a giant pump and suck the planet's inner core dry. She would then fill it with snacks for the Almighty Tallest. They loved snacks. It was her only chance to show the tallest and the control brain that they were all wrong not to make her an Invader.

She had kidnapped a socially popular human, as part of her cover on this backwards ball of dirt and trees. As she understood it, he was planning to construct some sort of food stand. It was too perfect an opportunity. She would make this human her puppet in public and build her base inside his giant "weenie" stand. No one would be any the wiser. All the humans would see was another corporate face trying to beat the competition.

It made her sick.

Her first attempt at a base had been a disaster. The expansion module she had set into the dirt had hit some sort of pipe and caused a small explosion of dirt. Fortunately, no one noticed.

This time, she ordered her "father" to get building. She helped, along with Mimi, the SIR unit she had made out of spare parts and modified as her own. The Tallest had not issued her one of theirs.

She had named her SIR unit "mimi" because it was an inconspicuous name as far as human pets went and that was what the little robot's disguise was going to be; a human cat.

"Much better. Now let's get to work!" she said, admiring the way the building was going. It was already enclosed on all sides; all it needed were signs saying what it was and things like that. She would leave that to the human under her control.

She steered her ship inside what would soon be a hangar for an entire fleet of suppliers.

"Mimi! Go out into the city and gather more information! We need disguises," she commanded.

"Yes Tak. I obey!" said the robot and it hopped out of a window and flew around with its jet feet.

Tak turned back to her ship. There was no need to hide it any better than this. There was no point. Pretty soon, this entire lace would be covered in moving boxes and machinery to help her in her mission. Giant planet sucking pumps weren't small, after all. Some hover platforms wouldn't go wrong either...

She got to work on her plans. She WOULD get what she had worked her entire life for.

A chance to prove herself an invader.

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next chapter will be longer I swear! Please review!


	3. Caught

Okay, I haven't updated lately, so here goes. Chapter 3, while Tak flies aimlessly through space, she remembers her first day at the human Skool and meets her almost-exact "double".

Please review!!

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Tak was getting cold. Irkens had a resistance to extreme temperatures; it was part of every Elite's training. But nonetheless, her escape pod was losing power as time went on. It could only sustain her for so long. She either needed to get a transmission out to The Massive and request help or she would die in the vacuum of space.

"Master, when are we going to excape from this pod?" asked her SIR, Mimi. She had custom built it from scrap parts and upgraded its weapon systems; it was unique among the standard issues given out by the Tallest during the beinning of Impending Doom 2.

Tak thought about it. The part she needed wasn't in the pod; it was back inside the remaining outer shell of her ship (also custom built). That ship had (presumably) crash landed somewhere back on Earth. She had no way of transmitting anything, unless she disassembled Mimi, and thus far, Mimi was her only source of conversation.

She decided to ignore the SIR unit and delved back into her memories of Earth. Perhaps she had missed something... she would never admit it to anyone or to herself, but she sort of... missed her human friend.

DAY 2 ON EARTH FOR TAK

She had programmed her disguise after several humans she saw... the humans who looked the most attractive seemed to get wherever and whatever they wanted, so she tried to make it "attractive" by human standards. In truth, all she saw were ugly pink creatures walking around like pigs, but a couple were what could pass as attractive. At any rate, her disguise was a semi-solid hologram.

Her hypnotic head implant still operated, too, so she could trick that filthy rich human into flying her to that Skool, in the jet. She had locateed an Irken power source at the place, probably from a PAK; it was too small a signal to be a ship. sp that was probably where Zim was.

She wanted him to watch her as she took his mission and his planet from him. She wanted him to know what it was like to have his life ruined. She would get her chance at becoming an Elite soldier and if the need arose, an Invader. It wasn't about revenge; it was about gain.

This planet meant nothing to her, absolutely nothing. Wherever the humans went, they brought their filthy cities with them. They wouldn't see her evil plan as an attempt at world conquest; they'd see it as just another big corporate takeover. They were begging to be destroyed. It would be child's play! No challenge!

She boarded the jet that would take her to this "Skool", noting to herself as she did so to replace this infernal thing's fossil fuel with something less smelly.

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The building was low and flat and unimpressive. Once she got inside, she was reminded of the training academy on Devastis. It was smaller and far less advanced (or complicated) and the purpose of every room was different, but the layout was similar; rooms to every side of the long hallways with lockers to keep your things in.

It also smelled like wet dog.

She followed the power signature on a small, handheld device from her PAK, which her hologram disguised as an ordinary school bag. She had also filled it with meat, as Mimi had informed her today was a meaty holiday the humans called Valentines day.

She had been disappointed to find that touching the meat burned her skin. It was a good thing she wore standard issue gloves under the hologram. She had left her clothes pretty much the same as her uniform. It was inconspicuous enough.

When she was assigned to Zim's "classroom", however, she was almost disappointed to see that he was dumber than she expected. The only disguise he had were a wig and contact lenses! How could the humans not see?!

At any rate, she had a few things to say to the Irk who had trapped her in her room on Devastis 50 years before... hopefully, he would get the message.

"Hi. I'm Tak. I'm new here," she figured she may as well act like a normal human introducing themselves. She forced herself to smile and fake sincerity.

"My father's the head of the Deelishus weenie corporation. That was his jet. SO I BROUGHT VALENTINES MEATS FOR EVERYONE!" she informed. She reached back and tore out every single piece of meat in her PAK and the human children went insane, gobbling it up like little monkeys. She tried to hold her squeedily spooch in check.

"Except for him," she pointed to Zim's horrible disguise," for him, I have prepared a poem."

An ugly girl with long hair laughed and pointed at her. "Looks like Zim has a giiirlfriieeeend!" Could this get any more obnoxious?

"It's not nice, To embarass people... you should apologize and," she initiated her head implant, "eat your eraser!"

The girl's eyes went glassy. "Yes Tak. I'm sorry, Zim," and with that said, she took a bite out of her enormous eraser.

She cleared her throat and pretended to read off a piece of paper, when in fact, the words were in her head already. There were so many things she'd LIKE to say to this Irken boy, SO MANY things... but nto here. Unlike him, she knew what it meant to be an Invader. To blend in.

"For longer than I can remember, I've been looking for someone like you. Someone with a head like yours and a torso too. Birds SING, and you're gonna PAY, the END! YOU SHOULD BE COVERED IN BARBEQUE SAUCE!" she couldn't help screaming towards the end, she was so furious at him. She pulled one last meat product out of her PAK and pummeled him with it, burning his skin right through the Irken uniform he hadn't even tried to hide.

Her life's goal had been ruined on Devastis for THIS?? This pitiful escuse for an Invader? He was a defect! A nothing! Did he have no idea the Tallest had lied to be rid of him?

Judging by the fact that despite the pain, he could simply let the meat go, he didn't, so she supposed not.

This was going to be a long week.

The next day she arrived at the Skool (this time she'd walked, with Mimi) and saw a human girl who looked remarkably like her human disguise. Someone walking nearby didn't fail to notice this. She thought his name was Dim or Dib or something. She cared not. Instead, she tried to speed up and bypass both Dib and the human girl (whos hair was much longer).

Her arm was grabbed by the human Dib, however, and she was forced to turn around and come face to face with her "double". By human standards, she was quite pretty. Her hair was longer than her own disguise and her eyes were much larger and bright blue rather than purple, but aside from that, the disguise was an almost perfect match.

"I've never met this girl in my life, DIB, get lost," said the girl. Her voice, too, was deeper, more mature. She was obviously older than the skool children in Zim's class.

"No wait, are you guys twins or something? Tell me!" the scythe-headed kid commanded.

Tak thought about it. Twins? Humans had twins?

She turned to Mimi, but the SIR unit didn't say a word. Like any human cat animal, it couldn't, but she was willing to bet it was still gathering information. She would ask it later. For now, she supposed she just had to wing it.

She exchanged a look with the human, who looked skeptical. She let her disguise waver for a fraction of a second while the boy's head was turned and the girl was good at not showing surprise. The only thing that changed were her brilliant blue eyes got a bit wider. Dib turned, but by that time, Tak had already fixed her disguise.

"Of... course not... We're close cousins, is all. We try to avoid one another, actually," said the human dully, sounding bored. She pushed Dib's head away and followed Tak up into the Skool.

Once there, the girl grabbed Tak by the front of the shirt and dragged her into an unused classroom. Mimi growled.

"What are you?" she demanded. She didn't look angry, merely curious. Since the classroom was unused and therefor unlikely for anyone to see them, she let her disguise fall. Mimi appeared as a modified SIR unit and immediately pushed the girl away from her, raising a claw threateningly.

"It's fine, Mimi. She just has questions," said Tak. Her SIR unit backed down. Tak decided to use her inplant, but to no avail; the girl was too intelligent for mind control to work.

"Mimi, scan her," she commanded.

"Yes, my master! Bio scan complete! Intelligence, approximately 137, age 17 earth years, gender: female," her robot minion chimed out.

Tak's eyes narrowed suspiciously. What to do...

That was when the classroom door opened.

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Uh oh... cliffhanger!! mwahhahhaa... what'll happen? You'll have to wait! Please review! 


	4. Mistaken identity

I decided it was too mean to leave you all with a cliffie, so here is chapter four. Oh, and Dib doesn't like Tak in this one. He thinks she's an alien, too. That's my story and I'm sticvking to it

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It wasn't Zim. It wasn't Gaz. It wasn't even an annoying skool child.

It was Dib.

MiMi put up the hologram disguises instantly, so Tak once again resumed the guise of a human girl. She didn't THINK the human had noticed anything right away... but then, she could be wrong.

"I KNEW IT! Tak's an alien, too!" Dib cried. He was pointing avidly at the real human girl, who merely stood there looking bored, a skeptical expression on her pretty human face.

Dib dashed foreward and grabbed the girl by the arm. "I knew it! Tak, you're an alien too, and you've come to help Zim take over the earth! I knew it! I KNEW IT! And now I can prove it!" he babbled. The girl didn't budge.  
Tak got an idea. It woiuyld help her save her "mission", at any rate, but it would cost her her SIR unit for the time being...

"MiMi," she whispered. The SIR unit turned to her in its cat disguise, at attention.

"Go with that human girl. Act like she's your master, for the time being. It's for the good of the mission. If the humans think SHE'S the alien, I can go ahead with the plans undisturbed," she explained hurriedly.

MiMi's eyes turned upwards. It was confused for a moment.

"It's not counterproductive. If the humans think she's the alien with the little robot, I can carry out the plan as planned and you can rejoin me later," she whispered again. Meanwhile, in the background, Dib and the girl had gotten into a little fistfight. It seemed the girl was winning.

"Is master relinquishing ownership of this SIR unit?" the robot asked quietly, but crisply.

Tak smiled.

"For the moment, until the human gives you back up. And she will. You tell her," said Tak, and with that, she pretended the ltitle robot didn't exist.

It was actually a bit depressing. MiMi was her only tie to Irk here on Earth, a prefectly good evil minion and obedient in everything it was commanded to do. Dare she say MiMi was even sort of a friend? She had grown attached to the little robot, devoid of personality as it was.

The girl had won in the end, it seemed. Now Tak could spy on Zim and make sure her plans would go undisturbed, having MiMi rejoin her at her convenience. With Dib convinced this human lookalike was her, Tak, she had free reign.

The girl wasn't stupid. She knew the moment the little robot joined her side, the moment she saw Tak's small, satisfied smile, what Tak must be thinking.

"My name's not TAK, it's JOANNA!" the girl growled at Dib.

So her name was Joanna... human names were so different, she mused.

"No, it's not. I'M Joanna," Tak insisted, trying to change her voice. Before anyone could say anything else, Tak dashed out of the room and out of the Skool building. The entire episode hadn't been planned, but it had worked in her favor anyway.

She turned the corner that led to her base, feeling strangely alone without her SIR unit accompanying her as usual. Was it really such a good idea to leave MiMi with the human?

She decided not to dwell on it. Her pump still needed minor repairs. They could be done without the help of her robot.

For now, she had to report to her Tallest.

She pressed a button that would hail the Massive. Their faces appeared on screen, looking a little confused. She hadn't reported in a day.

"My Tallest, the mission has been compromised, but it's nothing detrimental. I can still go ahead with my plans for this miserable little rock," she announced.

"Hey.. where's that creepy SIR unit?" asked Purple.

"I unwisely chose a disguise similar to a real human at the Skool and was momentarily seen out of it by a human. Luckily, I managed to correct my mistake, but the human thought my lookalike was the real alien. I almost had no choice, really, but this suits me fine. It gets the human out of my antennae and lets me work on my plan for you, my Tallest," she explained.

There was silence.

"You GAVE your SIR unit to a human? Are you INSANE!" cried Purple.

"I assure you, my Tallest Purple, it is only temporary. I left MiMi with specific instructions to keep the humans away from this place until my plan is complete, at which time the human will return her to me," she assured them. The human would give the robot up if she knew what was good for her, anyway...

"Oh... okay then. Say, you'll put Cheezy Sticks in there, right? And donuts?" asked Red.

"AND LICKY STICKS!" cried Purple from off screen.

Tak sighed, but forced a smile on her face.

"Of course, my Tallest. I shall include Licky sticks, if that's what you want. The pump should be finished in a couple of earth days, without MiMi," she reported in.

"Yeah, sure, that's fine, Tak, hey, we have things... to eat, yeah, report back in when the pump is done, will ya?" said Red, and the Massive severed communications.

She stared at the blank screen for a moment and once again went to work.

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I know, it was short, but I only wanted to describe what went on and why Tak ended up with no SIR unit, You won't hear from Joanna much- these are Tak's memories, so you won't hear from joanna until later. So be patient.

Please review! 


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